Stylish Ways to End a Bad Date That Goes Nowhere
One of my clients met a guy online. When she met him in person, he was at least fifty pounds overweight. She said, “Hello, I’m sorry, but you cheated on me with your photos. Have a nice evening. “And she left. She told me that her time was precious and that she was not going to spend time with someone who lied to her. The weight was not a problem, but his disappointment was.
Would you do it?
So many modern women find it hard to leave a bad date for all kinds of reasons. Whatever your opinion on the recent Aziz Ansari scandal, I think Atlantic writer Caitlin Flanagan – a woman from an older generation – has a solid point when she describes the story women were taught about how to end a bad date:
But in one essential aspect, they reminded us that we are strong in a way that so many modern girls are weak. They’ve told us time and time again that if a man tries to push you into something you don’t want, even just a kiss, you categorically tell him you don’t. . . . They told you to slap him if you have to; they told you to get out of the car and start moaning if you have to. They told you to do whatever it takes to prevent it from using your body in a way you didn’t want and in no way going down without a fight.
Of course, what she is describing here is a much more painful situation than cheating on a woman in your online profile. But her article begs the question: why do so many modern women struggle to leave bad dates? And most importantly, what can they do instead?
So many modern women are in conflict
Of course, there are a lot of women who have no problem leaving a date before it even starts (see My Solved Client, above). However, there are a growing number of women who still find it difficult to leave dates deadlocked. Some tell me it’s because they self-proclaim themselves to “please people” and put others before themselves, to a detrimental degree. Others just don’t want to be rude or rude or have a hard time talking about their needs. Some women are so empathetic and want guys – yes, even annoying, half-offensive cranks – to feel valued and happy, even at their emotional cost. After all, they don’t want to look rude or unsightly.
Or sometimes they believe the story that if they keep hanging out with this guy and endure bad behavior, it will change, and they will find love.
Of course, I often tell my clients that true attraction may take time to develop. Still, it’s one thing if he’s nervous and doesn’t give the best impression, but it’s quite another if he makes tasteless comments, inappropriate sexual advances, keeps talking about his. ex, shows up drunk or is clearly racist or sexist. Or simply, if you intuitively know from the start that it just isn’t for you.
Its good. Bad dates happen, but it’s imperative that you don’t find yourself in the habit of spending a lot of time with them, even if you are genuinely concerned about the feelings of your date. Not only does it waste your time (and hers), it can escalate burnout or, worse yet, put yourself in dangerous situations, especially if you already have a hard time saying no.
You don’t have to feel bad if you’re disappointed that your date didn’t meet your expectations. You can always end a bad date with class. Here are nine ways to do it:
01. Be brief and start with an exit plan.
You don’t have to invest a lot of time or commitment for the first meeting. This person is a stranger, so you don’t know if they are emotionally stable. If a man asks you if you’d like to have dinner or go to a concert, tell him you’d rather have a drink or a coffee, and immediately plan something urgent afterwards. You can even plan your date in advance by telling her that you can meet up for happy hour, since then you have plans to have dinner with friends. Or stick with the cafe, then say you still have some catching up to do or a hairdresser appointment.
Talk about what makes you most comfortable so you don’t feel bad or guilty when there is no connection.
02. Drink only one glass.
You might really want that second glass of wine, but having a second round can signal a guy that you are enjoying their company. If you know 100% that you don’t want to see it again, just have one. If you are a sensitive person, you may need to question your beliefs that if you only drink one drink, your date will be too short. Feed your drink or tell him that you are not a heavy drinker or that you still have work or something to do when you get home and you don’t want to be drunk, but really, a simple “no , thank you ”should suffice.
03. Pay for your own drink.
It can also send the message that you are not interested, a sign that you clearly want things to be separated in the future. Unless the guy is a total moron, and you must leave immediately, try to pay for your other half to make it clear that no one “owes” anyone anything.
04. Be honest.
Instead of using an excuse, be honest and say it was nice to meet him, but you’re ready to quit. Depending on the situation, you might want to tell him why. If he seems emotionally stable but keeps talking about his ex, for example, you can let him know he’s wasted your time because it’s clear he’s not done with it yet. it. But use your best judgment as to whether you want to engage in constructive criticism – remember that you are not his adviser.
05. Apologize for the toilet.
If you’re worried about being rude, there’s a good chance you won’t check your phone on the date of the date. Apologize for going to the bathroom, and when you come back say you just got a call from your friend saying she got dumped and you need to be with her. I’m not a fan of cheating, so try to only use it when a guy makes you uncomfortable.
06. Use an app.
Some bad dates can be downright scary. Applications such as uSafeUS and Circle of 6 Not only do they help you reach out to your friends in cases where you don’t feel safe, but they also put you in touch with resources to help you out.
07. Involve others.
If for any reason you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, tell the bartender or a member of staff. They can walk by the table or your bar area more often to make sure you’re okay.
08. Do not comment on future projects.
Sometimes it is automatic to say “See you later” or “See you later” at the end of a goodbye. If you don’t plan to see him again, say something like, “It was good to meet you. Good night. “If he texts you inviting you on another date, be polite and say,” I had a great time, but I don’t think we’re compatible. Good luck. “
09. Try to see the silver lining.
Of course, the date did not end well. Maybe you don’t have a romantic relationship, but could this person become an acquaintance or a friendly friend? Be curious, you never know he can be an interesting person even if you are not attracted to him. If, on the other hand, you really would never want to see that person again, congratulate yourself and be proud that you were able to walk away, which will save you time and, just as important, your emotions.